Fallen Leaf

She is not sure what is happening to her (again). The feeling of being lost is still in her heart. She is not sure where to go; which path to take; and what direction to choose.

She's like a fallen leaf. Blown by the wind down to the river. As she falls down, the flowing water of the river carries her away. She has no idea where the current is taking her. She is just floating. She is not resisting the forceful river nor swimming with the free-flowing water. She floats. Farther away from the tree. Farther away from where she used to belong. She can no longer be part of that tree anymore. Ever.

Like a fallen leaf, it seems now, she can't do anything anymore. She used to belong. She used to be part of something; someone. But like the fallen leaf, she can never be part of that whole again. Like a fallen leaf, she is lost; she has no sense; she has no life. She is dead.

photo credits here

-FIRST COMMENTER-

Gone

She was staring at their photo; both of them were smiling. She tries to recall that day; the day when they spend time together. They spent the whole night talking. She remembers it completely; then she smiles.

She continues to stare at the photo. This time, she tries to remember her thoughts that day. She tries to recall how she was feeling. For a while there, she felt startled. She can’t remember. How is that possible? She continues to look at the photo; trying to focus her thoughts to it. She looked at herself in the photo; then she looked at him in the photo. She continues to stare at his photo. Puzzled.

She gazed at him in the photo; from his head, down to his smile. She stared to his eyes as she keeps on trying to remember the feelings. The familiar feeling seemed to be gone. The old feeling of longing is no longer there. Baffled by this unusual emotion, she continues to look at the photo. That’s really odd. How can it be gone? How can she forget? Did she really forget? Perhaps it just fades away, without her knowing. Why?

It is time. It is time for it to go. It is time for it to carry on. It is time to move on. It had moved on. And she was not even aware of its absence, until now. All the while, what she has are memories; good memories. Too good they made her believe that the desire remains and the love continues.

She looks at the photo again; both of them were smiling. Unlike the first time she stares at it, she now sees two old friends…good friends, who just spent another wonderful day together. They got another special memory to treasure and remember.

Getting Old

01 October 2009

I feel like I am really getting old. My mind's been restless for the last couple of weeks. My body's tired; always wishing its Friday again, although I am aware that its just the start of the week. My patience continues to deminish.. fast..hmm.. faster than before. And there are things that I now consider as a waste of my time. Little things that I used to love doing; I used to enjoy doing.

I was talking to my nephew this morning. He's in the US, and he said he can't sleep. I told him that I am scared of getting old. And he told me, "Tita that's a sign.. a sign of wisdom". I asked him how is that so? And he answered, "older means more experience".

Still can't figure out what's been eating me. Is it really about getting old? Getting old alone? Or is it because I feel that there's more that I need to do; there's more that I have to do; there's more that I want to do? I better sleep now. Maybe I just need to rest, my mind, and my body. Perhaps I am just tired.

Jhudiel