Jhudiel's Thoughts - Life

What if I don't know what I really want? I was trying to figure out why I had to put things off for myself. Maybe the thought that I have sacrificed my personal plans for others is just something that I created in my head, like an excuse. But the truth is there are a lot of factors. Maybe I am afraid, scared, a coward to make decisions or moves that I am not certain of the outcome. I got to comfortable with my way of life to the point that I never want to leave my comfort zone. Or maybe I was too optimistic and left everything else to fate. And it was too late when I realized I should have done things to "help" fate take its course.

There are a lot of things inside my head. One by one, I am trying to figure things out. Hopefully I would be able to realize what it is that I want. I feel that there are still a lot of things that I need to learn, discover about myself... about my life. I was not as smart and strong as I thought I was. I can't help feeling pressured; I feel that I am running out of time. It would soon be too late for me to make it better or to change it.

I envy those who knew from the beggining what they want to do with their lives. You are one of them Gabby. All the things that you have been through, all the things that you did are all part of your plan. These things and happenings you went through did not happen by accident; you planned it, everything about it. And I am happy for you. Honestly, I never thought of it that way before. I always thought and feel that you need someone to keep you focused. Or maybe you really got that someone already, she is keeping you focused.