Their First Goodbyes

It was just an ordinary day for Jhudiel. She was enjoying the rest of her vacation days before she goes back to school. Jhudiel is excited about the thought that she is now a college student. But she is also scared of it. She is not sure what to expect.

Jhudiel was unaware that she is in for another surprise from her dear friend Gabriel.

Gabby paid her a visit. He was there in her house to say goodbye. His Mom was able to complete all the papers for their migration to the United States. And anytime soon, they will be leaving. Gabby asked her to promise to keep in touch. He asked for her phone number; and he asked for the address and phone numbers of their other classmates.

He promised to keep in touch with her, no matter what happens.

Jhudiel was happy for his friend. But at the same time, she is also sorrowful. Her only guy friend, who is very close to her, is now going away. He would be miles away from her. She remembered her very first thought about Gabby again. And something inside her now is saying, “this is all part of God’s big plan.”

For a moment there, Jhudiel felt strange. Notwithstanding the fact that her dear friend is moving away, there’s a grain of relief she felt within her heart, soothing the sorrow inside her. Somehow, she feels that their friendship will keep on; it will remain.

Back to Normal

20 July 2009

I just got out from a meeting when I saw a message from Gabby. He is online. We were able to chat a little. He was again using his mobile phone to connect to the internet and chat. During that moment, as I walk back to my desk, I was actually thinking of him. I was hoping that he would be online when I check my computer. And yes, he was.

Thinking about it now, I suddenly felt scared. I told myself that I should not get used to him being always online. And us always talking again. I am scared that I might get affected (again) when the time comes that this chatting and talking things would stop. I need to constantly remind myself that these things that are happening now are all normal happenings between friends. There would not be and there must not be any unusual expectations; unnecessary thoughts and reactions. Everything is back to normal. We are now enjoying our walk to the new path of friendship.

Jhudiel

The First Ordeal

Graduation is just around the corner. It has been a while since Jhudiel spoken with Gabriel. She has not seen him in class since the last day of their final exams; until she finally saw her with the rest of the boys in their class. They were able to exchange “hellos” and he mentioned something about being busy helping her mom preparing some important papers. That was the last time they spoke. She did not saw him during the graduation ceremony. Jhudiel was not even sure if he was present during the ceremony.

A few weeks after their graduation ceremony, Jhudiel was surprised to receive a mail from Gabriel. She was really astonished... and happy. Gabriel’s letter shares the story why he’s been very busy after their final exams. He was helping her mother prepare their application papers for the United States Embassy. They are migrating to the US; and they might be staying there for good, with his Dad.

Jhudiel was not sure how she felt at that moment while reading Gabriel’s letter. Happiness still dwells inside her; brought about by this pleasant surprise from her dear friend. But there is also something inside her that made her feel a bit perplexed; and she suddenly remembered the first thought she had during the first time she saw Gabriel in class.

And now, the letter bears the first ordeal of Jhudiel and Gabriel’s friendship. They are going to part ways soon. And what’s tough about it is they are going to be miles and miles apart; away from each other. The long distance would definitely matter to a friendship that is just beginning.

Smiling and Blushing

17 July 2009

We had a chance to chat again today. It was already late actually; I was trying to finish something in my laptop. I was surprised that he was online. He just woke up, he said. It was around 7am on his side of the planet; and around 11pm on my side.

The connection was a little bad. He is using his mobile phone. And so the messages are delayed. Anyway, I just want to take note of the words he told me during the course of our online conversation. They made me smile… and blush, hehe… I just want to take note of it, that’s all… nothing more. I just want them to be part of our memories.

- He seemed worried when I told him about this little accident I had that morning. I can feel how he cares for me when he asked me if I was hurt. He told me that I should always be careful.

- I was one of his priorities; I am part of his priorities.

- And when I said good night to him, he said “good night”, gave me a kiss (mwah!) and said “love you”.

I don’t want these word get into my head (nor into my heart) for I am pretty sure what would be produced out of it. I have a crazy mind and very disturbed emotions. It is capable of manufacturing superfluous thoughts and emotions; that would later on make simple things complicated.

These are just simple, caring words and gestures from a special friend to her dear friend. Nothing more.

Jhudiel

The Beginning

You can’t say it is love at first sight, because Gabriel was not really that good looking. He is tall, dark and thin. Although Gabriel has an amazing eyes and nice lips; but still it was not love at first sight. But something about this boy that caught the heart of Jhudiel. From the first moment she saw him in class, there’s this little voice that spoke inside her saying that this boy will forever be part of her life. As Gabriel was trying to weasel his way out of the conversation with their teacher for not having his homework in history, the strange thought continues to linger inside her mind. She was a bit confused for having that thought. How can this boy be forever part of her life, when they are not even talking and he does not seem to know that she exist; he does not seem to notice her.

But as the days pass by, Jhudiel suddenly found herself being friends with Gabriel. They talk during break time. They talk about their classes, especially their history class. They love to talk about their teachers; the funny things the class does to their teachers and to their own classmates. And in each day that passes by, a certain feeling of likeness and love started to grow inside her. But something inside her is also telling her not to take notice of these superfluous emotions that’s been sprouting inside her heart. They are just friends. And that is how it is going to be. This is the first time (and probably the only time) she had a guy friend that she can talk with while she’s being herself. In other words, she feels comfortable with Gabriel. They can talk about anything; she is not afraid to show him her true self. Their friendship has already reached a certain point where they already share personal details about their lives. Both of them find comfort from each other whenever they talk about their personal issues and problems. They are like brother and sister.

“This is how it is going to be,” Jhudiel thought. Maybe that was the voice inside her head was pertaining to. This boy will forever be part of her life because they are going to have a special kind of friendship. A friendship that will last a lifetime.

photo credits : www.samhsa.gov/

Jhudiel and Gabriel

Jhudiel and Gabriel are best of friends. They met during their senior year in high school. Gabriel is a transferee to Jhudiel’s school. And like Gabriel, Jhudiel is also a transferee to the star section. She used to belong to the 2nd highest section; but for that year, the school implemented the system of putting all the top students in one class – the star section class. Both of them are “aliens” to their classmates. And this common thing about these two totally different individual, is actually the beginning of their friendship. It is the seed of a wonderful and interesting friendship.

photo credits: http://www.my-counseling-site.com

A Moment of Truth

12 July 2009

I am happy today. I was able to talk with Gabby this afternoon regarding my thoughts about our friendship. He said that I should not be thinking that way; that we would be able to catch up for the lost times, little by little. He admitted that there's a lot of things that I still don't know about him. Things that happened to him between now and since the time we parted ways; the changed that happend to him and to his life for the last 10 years. And then he said, "I'll forever be part of your life so you'll know me little by little". He also admitted that he has fears in his heart, that I would not accept this changes and that I would disown him as my best friend or reliquish our friendship. Somehow I felt sad hearing this. It seems that Gab does not have an idea how important he is to me; how special our friendship is to me. I told him that. He expressed his fear that he never want to lose me. And that he believes that everything has a purpose and everything has a right place and a right time.

We talked more about small, trivial things. He even mentioned something about his observation - people are too busy to pause for a while, look at the sky and appreciate how lovely it looks. Well, he is one of them actually; he's one of the busy people. And that's what I always tell him. He tends to be very impatient and idealistic (I'm not sure if that's a good combination, but based on my observation, it is not).

Before we signed off, I told Gab that he should not be pressured with what I have said about our friendship; about us catching up for the lost times. I can wait for the right time at the right place; until he's ready to show me that changed he told me about; until he's ready to share all those experiences that happened during the time we are not together.

Hmmm... makes me wonder now. What could have happened if I did not stop answering his letters? Things would have been different now... where are those letters by the way... hmmm... now I have something to get busy with tomorrow - look for those letters.

Jhudiel

A Discovery or An Affirmation?

10 July 2009

Gabby is online again today. He said he just got home from work. For today, he was asking a lot about me. He asked about my work. I was surprised with his reaction when I mentioned some things about my work. It seems that it was the first time he was hearing these things from me; when in fact I was able to mention these things to him before. And I remember that I told him about these things a lot of times already. I suddenly felt sad.. disappointed. And I thought, all the while, he never listened to me... to my stories. But I did not tell him that I was disappointed. I just continued talking to him. Telling him more things about my work. We even talked about my health and my financial status. I am, somehow, can be considered as the breadwinner in the family. Anyway, as we continue with our talking, my disappointment grew. There are things he said about me that made me stop and think - this guy does not know me. We surely have grown apart. Drifted away from each other for a long time, we do not know each other anymore.

There are things he said about me that made me realize that he really does not know me that well... not anymore. It seems that he was wedged with the idea of Me when we were still teenagers... when we were still seeing each other in school; when he was still near.

I am also guilty of this too. There are certain or should I say important things about him that I do not know. Unlike Gab, I am trying to discover these things about him; I am trying to reach out and catch up, knowing that we drifted apart. It has always been my prayer - a chance to be with Gab again. Spend time with him, just like old times. Talking about everything. I always pray for a chance to spend time with him, catching up for the lost years. Unfortunately, it remained an unanswered prayer.

I am not sure why he would not let me in again. Sometimes I feel that he never let me get in at all. Well, that's another story. I will write about it soon.

Jhudiel

Keeping Away from the Truth

09 July 2009

I was not able to sleep well last night. I am not sure what's keeping me from going to sleep. I am not sure if its because of what happened yesterday. Somehow, I guess, I was thinking if Gabby would be online again and if we would still chat again. And I was also not feeling well; I fell like I am going to have a flu. I was not sure what time I was able to sleep; but I was up early.

Well, I was surprised that Gabby was online again. I said hello and he replied. We talked for a few minutes. I'm happy talking to him again. But I must admit, I still can't help thinking of those unanswered questions that we chose not to talk about. I am still trying to hearten myself that I have to live it alone; and let time reveal the answers.. let time reveal the truth. There things that are better left unspoken; that are better left unknown especially if it would bring heartbreaks and pain.

Hopefully, I would be able to contain this longing for truth. Although there are times when I think of our situation, I would sometimes feel that it is really better to leave the past behind... to totally let go of the past and never look back.

Got to sleep now. I really don't feel good. I got a flu.

Jhudiel

Starting Over

After eating dinner, Jhudy went to her room. She pullout her journal from the shelf; got her favorite pen from the case and started writing to her journal.

08 July 2009

I received an email from Gabby today. It was a reply for my email to him last night. He was apologizing for not keeping his promise; for not saying goodbye before he left for the states again. He was saying how ashamed he is for what he did; for hurting me (again). He also said that I am the only person that understands him most and it made him feel more ashame for hurting me. What really got me was the first words of his email - "you are always my Jhudy". And that he misses me.. he misses his friend.

Yes. Friends. Always has been and always will be.

And as I was preparing my reply to his email, an IM window popped out of my screen. It was him, saying hello. We were able to chat a bit. He apologized again and I reiterated that he broke his promise.. we even had a pinky-promise thing before we part ways.

I am glad that we are talking again. And I am glad that we agreed to forget about what happened. Surely I would want to know the truth.. to confirm my idea of what happened and what is really happening; but I guess this aint the right time to talk about it. Time will tell when. Until then, the friendship remains.

He was protecting me from getting hurt; he was protecting me from himself. I would like to keep these thoughts in mind. Somehow, it makes me feel important... it makes me feel special, and loved. I know how selfish and dishonest he can be. But I also know that deep inside this selfish, dishonest man, there's a soft spot.. an emotional spot.. there's a grain of love for me... love for a friend and more.

I was not able to finish my reply email to him since he popped out; but I emailed it to him still. I just continue what I had to say to him through our chat. It was a different "chat" if I may say so. Different from our usual chats. Its special. I was able to feel that we are "understanding" each other. No need for descriptive words, nor elaborated details. I know, somehow, we agreed on one thing. Both of us does not want to talk about it... we just want to start over. We just want to keep the friendship alive. And again, only time will tell.

Jhudiel

She put the cap of the pen back and put the pen back to the case. She closed her journal and put it back to the shelf.