Starting Over

After eating dinner, Jhudy went to her room. She pullout her journal from the shelf; got her favorite pen from the case and started writing to her journal.

08 July 2009

I received an email from Gabby today. It was a reply for my email to him last night. He was apologizing for not keeping his promise; for not saying goodbye before he left for the states again. He was saying how ashamed he is for what he did; for hurting me (again). He also said that I am the only person that understands him most and it made him feel more ashame for hurting me. What really got me was the first words of his email - "you are always my Jhudy". And that he misses me.. he misses his friend.

Yes. Friends. Always has been and always will be.

And as I was preparing my reply to his email, an IM window popped out of my screen. It was him, saying hello. We were able to chat a bit. He apologized again and I reiterated that he broke his promise.. we even had a pinky-promise thing before we part ways.

I am glad that we are talking again. And I am glad that we agreed to forget about what happened. Surely I would want to know the truth.. to confirm my idea of what happened and what is really happening; but I guess this aint the right time to talk about it. Time will tell when. Until then, the friendship remains.

He was protecting me from getting hurt; he was protecting me from himself. I would like to keep these thoughts in mind. Somehow, it makes me feel important... it makes me feel special, and loved. I know how selfish and dishonest he can be. But I also know that deep inside this selfish, dishonest man, there's a soft spot.. an emotional spot.. there's a grain of love for me... love for a friend and more.

I was not able to finish my reply email to him since he popped out; but I emailed it to him still. I just continue what I had to say to him through our chat. It was a different "chat" if I may say so. Different from our usual chats. Its special. I was able to feel that we are "understanding" each other. No need for descriptive words, nor elaborated details. I know, somehow, we agreed on one thing. Both of us does not want to talk about it... we just want to start over. We just want to keep the friendship alive. And again, only time will tell.

Jhudiel

She put the cap of the pen back and put the pen back to the case. She closed her journal and put it back to the shelf.